Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize