that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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