just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
