So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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