How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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