I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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