it wasn't lemon gatorade
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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