I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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