ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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