In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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