So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
