That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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