I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize