WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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