hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
