why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
