you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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