Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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