Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
