I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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