if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
