according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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