you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
And then he peed in my hair
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