i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
