wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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