on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
