You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize