All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If I had your ass I would rule the world
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
