I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
