Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
