i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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