we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
