mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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