dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
