she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
