I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
