I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
