I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
