so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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