hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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