woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize