Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
