I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
