she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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