Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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