her vagine was all disorganized.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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