I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
