I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
