I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think i got beer on your cat.
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