Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
