I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I cannot find my penis.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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