Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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