Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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