too bad you live with your parents still
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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