OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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