I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize