Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
