hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
why is half of my head shaved?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
