i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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