Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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