I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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