i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
why do cheetos always look like penises
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
