I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
