So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
