so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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