You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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