Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
