my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize