Plan B is the new Plan A
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
