just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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