it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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