He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
