I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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