I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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