I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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