How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
