Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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