Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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