I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
