There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He shit in the fireplace
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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