he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
