he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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