I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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