Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
