It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize