WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
