Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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