Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
