I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
