Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
