I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
