ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
