glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
