she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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