Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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