Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
