Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize