thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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