just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
