Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
