You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize