I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
