She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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