so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
