I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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